Hollow Man 2 is a 2006 direct-to-video sequel to Paul Verhoeven's Hollow Man, directed by Claudio Fäh and starring Christian Slater, Peter Facinelli, and Laura Regan. Having covered the original yesterday, I decided to make it a double feature. I regret this decision completely, and I'd like to take you through why.

The premise: a soldier named Michael Griffin is rendered invisible by a covert government program called Silent Knight, goes rogue as the serum slowly kills him, and hunts for the "buffer" compound that will stabilise him, murdering his way through everyone involved. A Seattle detective and the scientist who created the buffer go on the run from him. Verhoeven had nothing to do with this one, it went straight to DVD, and it sits at 17% on Rotten Tomatoes, which I'd argue is generous.

Let me start with the casting distraction I never recovered from. The heroic detective is played by Peter Facinelli, better known to the world as the dad from Twilight, the vampire one, Carlisle Cullen, not the cool one with the moustache. And once you see it, you cannot unsee it. Critics at the time noted he looks barely old enough to be out of college, let alone a seasoned detective, and for the entire runtime some part of my brain was quietly asking why Dr. Cullen was waving a service pistol around Seattle. Which, incidentally, is actually Vancouver doing a poor impression of Seattle.

Then there's the early stretch of the film, which includes an entirely gratuitous scene of a couple undressing and filming themselves on a camcorder while the invisible man lurks nearby. Given this film arrived in 2006, hot on the heels of a certain infamous Paris Hilton home video, the whole sequence plays like a low-rent tribute act. It adds nothing to the plot. It exists purely because someone decided this franchise's identity was "sleaze plus invisibility," and it was the moment I understood exactly what kind of ninety minutes I was in for.

Now, my central theory about this film, offered with complete sincerity: every single member of this cast performs as though their families were being held hostage somewhere off camera. There is a collective, palpable surrender in every scene. And the production facts support me. Christian Slater, the top-billed star, is physically visible on screen for approximately five minutes of the entire film. Five. He recorded much of his dialogue off-camera while a stand-in did the physical work, meaning the marquee name in this production quite literally phoned in his performance. Critics at the time openly described it as Slater slumming for a paycheck, and I have no counter-argument to offer.