I am utterly baffled by how a film with such a brilliant, airtight premise managed to fumble the execution this severely.

On paper, Don't Move sounds like an incredibly tense, ticking-clock survival thriller. A grieving woman is injected with a paralytic agent by a serial killer in an isolated forest, giving her exactly twenty minutes to escape before her nervous system completely shuts down. The setup is phenomenal. It promises a gritty, grounded game of cat and mouse.

Then you actually press play, and the disappointment sets in almost immediately.

Let us start with the most glaring issue, which half the internet has already pointed out: the title makes absolutely no sense. "Don't Move" implies a deliberate choice, as if the protagonist is hiding from a predator that tracks motion. She isn't choosing to stay still; she is medically paralyzed. The film should have been called Can't Move.

But the title is the least of this movie's problems. The narrative completely derails because the writers decided to give the villain, Richard, the physical durability of a cartoon anvil. He possesses more lives than a feral cat. Over the course of the film, he survives a catastrophic car crash, a stabbing, being fully set on fire, and a gunshot wound, yet he continually dusts himself off as if he merely tripped on a root. It crosses the line from a suspenseful thriller into sheer, unintentional comedy. You stop fearing him and start wondering if he is a supernatural entity.

The only genuine emotion this movie managed to pull out of me was grief for Bill. Sweet, innocent old Bill, who just wanted to mow his lawn and do the right thing, only to be caught in the crossfire of this poorly written mess.

I cannot in good conscience recommend this to anyone. It is a squandered concept and an overall waste of time.